I now knew what childbirth felt like. I knew what was in store and was not up for it. If I had been clever, I should have asked for a cesarean, but I didn't, I didn't even ask for an epidural. I suffered it, and repeated that sentence maybe a good 20 times. John eventually said to me "well you don't have a choice, shes coming!". Even as she was coming out I was still saying " I cant, I don't want to". Denial is a very silly thing!
After finally weaning Kalara, which was a major victory for me, I found myself pregnant.. again. I was almost 21 and had other ideas for my 21st than dinner at Tony's in Henderson. I was not happy with myself at all, I had planned to go to Uni and get myself a career, John and I were having fun times still figuring out how to put being parents before ourselves, but here we were preparing for baby number two.
She was born on June the 11th 2001. That day was a Sunday, and for some stupid reason, even though I knew I was going into labor, I went to church. I was asked to stand up during the Sacrament meeting and upon standing, I had a major contraction. I must have looked like an idiot, wincing in pain, but still trying to maintain composure. After sacrament we are walking out of the chapel, saying good bye to friends "where are you going?" "I'm going to have a baby!", they laughed and thought I was joking. I wasn't.
We dropped Kalara off to my parents place and went home to wait for things to move along. Evening comes and we get visitors and I'm trying to signal to John ... get them outta here! I'm trying to gracefully remove my self from the couch and as soon as I make it to my room, my waters break and the longest and worst contraction came with it. John comes to check on me, and I tell him we are going to the hospital now and to say goodbye to friends, I couldn't care if they stayed there in my house, but we were leaving!
The "I don't want to" moaning started there. From the time we left home to her arrival was only about 40 minutes. I cant believe that I actually was such a baby about it, at one point the midwife just glared at me, I know she wanted to tell me to shut up. lol. there was no time for meds or even the gas, she came too fast.
As soon as she was born I was fine, completely oblivious to the drama queen that had come out during labour. Pain does terrible things to people, especially this person. We were home within 24 hours. I hate hospitals and since I seemed to have come out of this still alive, I wanted to go home.
Deon Vana Hunt. We had made a list of names via the alphabet. One name for each letter, then selected our favourite. She hates that she has a boys name. Too many people comment on it, thinking I named her after Dionne Warwick. Sorry Deon, It was just bad luck we liked that name on that day! Vana is after Johns good friend Silvana Talamaivao. Though I'm sad to say Deon cannot remember her at all. A truly great lady who knew how to hassle and mock my hubby like no other. One day when we get our butts back to Nz, she will be on our first to visit list.
Deon was different to Kalara, she was fair skinned, but still with the dark hair just not so much of it. She was chubby and cheeky. Always playing in the mud or eating grass. Lara didn't like being dirty, Deon loved it. She has always been fussy though, rough and tumble outside but she used to line up all the shoes in order, then get annoyed if a shoe was missing, line her raisins up and eat them one by one, and yes, if you gave her a packet of m&ms, she would split them into colours. The same with her toys, all lined up from biggest to smallest and good luck to Kalara if she messed it up. Today she is still the same, hair needs to be perfect, all school work in order. She hates chaos and thrives when things are in order, but she still loves to be outside, always doing something. (something usually includes the most expensive extra curricular activities, or baking the most complicated recipe everrr)
This year she is in her last year of primary, year 7. She is also the girls School Captain . We are so proud of her, she doesn't take no for an answer and truly gives her best in everything she does. She worries me the most too. When I say she doesn't take no for an answer, that is slowing starting to apply to me. To be honest I'm kinda scared of her ambition. The thought of having to support her and be her advocate is scary, who knows what trouble this kid is going to get into. Kalara has always been quite self sufficient, happy to join everything she wants , but usually gets herself there and doesn't beg for me to come watch.. That may have something to do with sideline yelling.. but you get my drift. Deon is all about parental support.. mum you need to... mum we are going to be late.. daddy can you please take me.....(and daddy always takes her too).
She has a way about her, always smooching up to her uncles, she always gets penned as the favorite, much to her sisters disgust. Always eager and ready to go.. should somebody put shoes on to leave the house, she has mastered the art of sneaking into the car and coming home with a treat for herself.
She is my responsible one, my little memory card, reminding me of all the things that I need to purchase, pay for or sign. If it wasn't for her, half the kids school stuff would go forgotten, come to think of it, I would probably forget a child or two at a park or shopping center if she wasn't there to pull me back into reality.
I love this girl, I admire her, she has qualities that as an adult, I still don't possess (which I wont list). Everyday she teaches me something new. I've had to relearn Algebra, so I could help her out with homework, she forces me to bake something different should a Saturday afternoon get boring. She makes me walk around the block when she can see I'm getting the grumps. Sometimes the best reflection of yourself is in your kids. I don't mean that to gloat, I mean it as in, she makes me reflect and improve who I am and what I need to be doing. you could say that I am actually scared of failing her. There are things I want for her, that I need to provide, and I am finding that scary. I find lots of little notes to my self around the house, 90% of them include things that I must remember to do for Deon.
She recently secured a scholarship at the local High School for years 8 and 9, it is called the EXCITE program. Its an excellence program covering all basic subjects, which also means 2 hours of homework every night, she also got into a Sports Excellence program in Touch Rugby. So I'm thinking that for the rest of this year, we will be relaxing a bit, next year it seems will be a true test for her and for me. I'm not looking forward to it, but I am looking forward to watching her grow and achieve as much as she can.
Mediocre is a funny word. It means ordinary, neither good nor bad. It also means 'of middle height'. I suppose you could say, that it is not something I want for my kids. the mediocre. I'm not really satisfied with mediocre things. Not when you know that they are capable of superior and great things. Catch 22 , As the parent, I have to leave mediocrity behind and stop being of middle height. and there lies my fears, can I live up to my children's expectations, can I live up to my own expectations?
I am sure I will muddle through it, as I have up until now and will keep doing. I'm grateful to have family that support my kids to no end, both sides of our family, they love them just as much as I do. And to have a John. A John that has my back, even if I'm wrong, and still loves me when I'm wrong (p.s I am always wrong.)
As for Deon. I'm praying that she will manage all the work ahead and do it with a smile. I know I will be struggling to smile while keeping the other 6 kids quiet so she can study, you know the saying goes, you reap what you sow. So let the sowing begin because I need to reap some rewards!
Happy weekend xxxxx
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