Lies

Number Two is off to camp tomorrow, I am extremely nervous and don't want her go. LIE. I'm hanging out for that 8:15am bus to pull up and take her away. 

Number One keeps telling me she is doing her homework on her new laptop. LIE. The amount of homework seems to have quadrupled since the laptop was made available. p.s I know how fast you can close Internet Explorer, esp when your mother is walking towards you.

When my kids blame something on their little sister. 

Question: "Who drew on the wall?"  

Answer: "Fellyn did it"

Take a glance at the height of these lovely drawings, and measure them against the two year old, she cant even reach that high. Line up all the kids so I can figure it out based on their height and arm reach. bingo. you can now scrub the wall and all the other walls in the house. Lies will only get you into more trouble, and that's the truth.

Another myth about motherhood (sorry if you are male and about to read this) Breastfeeding. I know that breastfeeding is good for my kids, I have fed them all at some stage and for various amounts of time. 

I have gone from 6 weeks of using a breast pump for the twins whilst in hospital, I quit after one day at home with them, sanity soon became a major priority. big props to twin mums that breastfeed. 

To feeding an almost THREE year old toilet trained toddler who can speak very well, telling me in public that she is now ready for boo boo. and loudly too. And yes she has lifted my top up in public in search of her boob, and she has looked at me with hungry eyes, saying, 'hey mum, i like your boo boo'. lordy, Fellyn is finally weaned and she still spends a good amount of time stuffing her hand down my top just for comforts sake. You lovely plunket ladies are LIARS. You didn't tell me about the time consumption, sore nipples, no hay fever medication or alcohol. I LIE, breastfeeding is the most wonderful bond you can have with your newborn, just not with a two year old, that will drive you nuts.

Breastfeeding helps you loose weight. 

Don't even get me started.

People say to me, your twins are sooo adorable, such well behaved little boys. Ohmygosh. Big Fat LIE. Between the two of my boys, they own 2 pairs of ears, all four ears seem to be failing the criteria for listening skills. ie. I am looking straight at you, you are staring straight at me, I am giving you ONE instruction, you walk away, do a full circle around the lounge, scratch your head, and sit down, happy with what you just accomplished. 

Lies lies lies. 

"There is no such thing as middle child syndrome" I think this may be a lie that I told myself, so that Riley (my number 5) wouldn't be labelled as a middle child. Riley is 7, only 18 months younger than the twins, but is now displaying disturbing signs of middle child syndrome. I don't even know if this is an actual medical term, but she suffers from 'poor me'.. usually at bed time when i'm over talking to children and always when the other kids might have, at some point during the day eaten something she has missed out on. Bi polar just might be another characteristic of middle child syndrome, not to belittle the condition in anyway, I'm just describing my daughter, she can literally laugh hysterically for long periods of time, then hit the floor with a frown on her face. I call it the darkness, dark clouds set in over her little chubby face, the eyes go dark and she starts looking at everyone sideways. Not to worry though, she will be dancing to Beyonce in 3, 2, 1 ... 

When your 5 year old tells her teacher that her mum is 40. Geez Taylor.

She told me that she only said it because her friends mum is 40. Taylor reckons we look the same, so I must be 40. Yes, you know that LIE that says that kids will keep you feeling YOUNG, LIE LIE LIE

The biggest LIE of all, is the saying that Kids get easier with age. That is not my experience at all, the older my kids get, the more they talk. Talking means more asking, moaning, fighting and crying. Whoever you are, you LIED. Little kids are easy, food, fun and sleep is all they need. Big kids need whatever the neighbours have and everything that we don't already own. 

I'm so sorry kids, you can all have an iphone 5 for Christmas. 

LIE.

A few more things that I have learnt recently.

Soggy Cornflakes do not come out of kids hair in time for their bus.

Being my Husband does not mean that you are a Food Critic. When Wifey cooks, you are allowed to Lie all you want. LOL. words cut deep. hahhahaha.

Walking around the Lake does not mean that you can have Chocolate for lunch. Lying to yourself Leilani.

Walking around the Lake with all the other mothers that don't even need to loose weight will only make you feel shitty. and you will come home shitty. and then you will have chocolate for lunch which will make you even more shitty. Lesson: Go walking when its dark or in the countryside. hahaha. 

There is nothing wrong with having size Eleven Feet, even  if the the lady serving has a look of horror on her face when you ask for help. I am Samoan. forgoodnesssake. 

Gripe sesh over, I feel so much better now. MONDAY MONDAY bring it on. xxxxxx