Friends often ask me about my pregnancies/deliveries. Seems like I should have this birthing thing down pat. When in reality, the more children I had, the more horrific the birthing got. I struggle to remember all the details from each birth. The more I think about those experiences, the more I'm remembering. Those first few days with your newborn is something that should be greatly treasured. Never will they be that small again, so new and pure, relying on you for all necessities of life. Having a new little spirit around the home is probably my favourite part of having a child. Don't worry it quickly turns to endless nights, sore boobs and undone housework, but watching a newborn child sleep, first smile, first eye contact, they are all truly special moments. My first child was born 3 months after my wedding to John, and in my 19th year of life. I was young ... and selfish and naive and emotional. ha. Lets say I was not ready for the demands that a baby brings, but I muddled through it thanks to a few great friends, my mother and of course John was always there to hold the baby while holding the playstation control, a technique that is highly commendable, and something that he can still do to this day. Picture Fellyn who is now two slipping her head under the playstation control so she can sit with her dad, and so politely get in the way.
So I'll start with her. My eldest child. I'll try not to ramble but in this case I think I might have to!
14th of May, 1999, Kalara Lee was born around 11:45am, to a 19 year old mother who had carried her around for 2 weeks longer than she'd wanted to and was quite possibly the grumpiest person in West Auckland. I had a feeling that she was going to arrive the night before, so I packed a few more things into my bag and went to sleep. I woke up around 5am to my waters breaking, panicking ringing the midwife only to be told to stay home till my contractions were closer together. So we stayed up, John turned his playstation on and I sat in bed just waiting, breathing through my contractions. Picture my hubbys head popping into the door frame, "Are you alright hun?" Playstation control still firmly gripped. He quickly became my least favourite person.
I remember waiting by the door at Waitakere hospital for somebody to open it up so we could get in, I remember John guiding me through the doors, I being calm but was very nervous, all I wanted to hear was that wooshing noise of her heart beating. Sometimes when you read a little too much on giving birth, you end up thinking the worst of everything. As my contractions progressed, my midwife started talking about going into the water. All I could think of was a stupid birthing video I had watched with a mother in a pool in her home, completely naked and way to composed for childbirth. "It's okay you can keep your top on" she told me, and I replied.."can i keep my pants on too?" (I did say I was naive). So I had Kalara in the water, the water seemed to take all the pain from my lower back away, plus once I was in the bath there was no way I was getting out.
She was so long and hairy, it sounds like a funny description but all I could see was this head of black hair.
9 pounds and 4 ounces, she was a big baby. We didn't know she was going to be a girl, but I smiled as soon as they told me.
During labour I had only had the gas, but I couldn't get the rhythm of it, always going for it when the contractions were peaking instead of beforehand, then id be all out of it when I should have been recovering. John did so good, holding my hand, even though I'm sure he wished he had never offered it in the first place. he cut the cord, poor nurse though who put her finger in the wrong place, John cut her finger too. hahaha. I remember being surprised that the breathing techniques actually worked. I also remember my midwife and mother playing around with the placenta like I couldn't see them right on front of me, and thinking to myself, old people have no shame. haha. sorry mum. Having mum at Kalaras birth seemed to stress her out, seeing her daughter in pain didn't go down with my mumma, and I could hear her harassing the midwives,"give her something!!" and she wonders why she was never allowed into the delivery room after that.
The best feeling in the world is the moment that the baby is OUT. I never thought I could be so grateful to have pain end, then couple that with a little girl that now belonged to me, but my disapointment when everyone said "She looks like her dad!!!
I dont know why but I had thoughts of having a blonde baby with my eyes, but no all my children look like their Dad. Good looking polynesian kids that dont look anything like me! I cant complain, cant be helped that their Dad is so incredibly good looking. Although I remember having to defend my motherhood once when somebody asked me if I had adopted an Indian baby. :)
I remember holding her for the first time and thinking what the heck am I supposed to do now?
The nurse or midwife was trying to get me to give her the breast but I think I was still in shock from delivering her. I tried to, but soon got very tired and dizzy. I had lost so much blood, my blood pressure plummeted and I passed out while the midwife was trying to take my blood pressure, which led to being put on oxygen and some fluid via drip. I was okay after something to eat and drink, I remember being annoyed at having to share a room, I obviously still thought I was a princess. Our first night together was nice, she only fussed a little and I think I spent most of the night holding her and just looking at her. My baby girl.
Turned out my great grandmother had been admitted to Waitakere Hospital, so once I was able to, I bundled up Kalara and walked over to see her. She loved holding her, this little brown baby with jet black hair. Her first Great Granddaughter. 4 months later Grandma Davy passed away at the age of 104. Somewhere I have a 5 generation photo and it is greatly treasured. I'll always remember the thin skin on her arms, bruised and so delicate, compared to Kalaras new born skin. She said to me that day. "You are so lucky Leilani, to be young and have babies. have lots of babies, you wont regret it.". She could quite possibly be the only family member that has encouraged me to have more.
I could tell you alot about Kalara, She had reflux, so sleeping was something that we struggled with, she also liked to vomit all over the place, which is really annoying when you breastfeed, you cant just replenish on demand because the baby just threw it all up. Thats liquid gold your dealing with kid! We used to pop her into the car just so we could get her to sleep, she loved the hum of the car, it just used to put her out straight away. Follow that with disapointment when she would open her eyes as soon as the car stopped.
She was so clever as a toddler, a caring big sister to Deon and just a really great kid. She was my rock, although now I know children aren't really meant to be support for adults, but at that time in my life, she was my focus, and she allowed me to grow into a mother and wife, (like dragging bricks around I was kinda reluctant to take on those titles. Comes with being 19) and she was definitely our trial and error baby. Poor first children of this world, get to suffer through new parents and all their insecurities, and errors!!
Now she is 14, and from the hundreds of selfies that I find on my laptop to the latest song being played over and over again, I wouldn't change her for a million bucks, nor would I change the teenage pregnancy. Sometimes in life things happen that truly are blessings in disguise. Where I would be with out her or John, I cringe to think.
This picture is of my Grandma Davy holding Kalara who is 2 days old.
