When....

1. When you have nothing better to do but define your life by WHEN moments. Like when you're tired. And then when you're still tired. Oh no, When you're tired and grumpy. That my friends, is a recipe for success. School Holiday success.

2. When your dad buys Minecraft for the twins. Minecraft was developed by the devil. Destruction is close at hand. 

3. Same goes for Destiny.

4. When someone leaves their black lipstick here (JASMINE SCHWENCKE!) 

Number 6 and 7 take turns in ruining my day by painting their lips black. Actually, if it were only the lips, I could manage but chins, cheeks and ears are getting in the mix. I know I have thrown this piece of evil make- up in the bin. but it escaped. (and Riley joined Fellyns eyebrows together which I could not be angry at because it was so funny) 

5. When you have to question your child's hearing. Fellyn needs a hearing check, Mum called her a nagger, which was met with a stern "I am not a nigger!" followed by tears because her Nana had called her a nigger. Still laughing.

6. When Beyonce is no longer your friend. That song 7/11 by Beyonce is officially the most annoying song. swak it swak it in the air. put some pants on woman. Sorry B. 

7. When your brain no longer registers the cries of your children. Crying/laughing = same noise levels, same kids making the noise. palms up and shrug your shoulders wit me.

8. When your kids drop you in it. 

"We haven't had any breakfast Nana"  said at 2pm. (left out the part where they ate lunch)

"What did you do today kids?" "Nothing, mum just played candy crush all day." You only get 5 lives. duh

Riley came home from the last day of school and said to me "The bus driver said next year we have to have bus fare everyday, not just sometimes. I told the bus driver that you need to get a job and he agreed." This makes me laugh and cry.

9. When you realise your boys are 10.  I asked one of the twins to get me a cucumber out of my fridge, as he walked back towards me I saw him lower the cucumber to represent a part of his anatomy. He thought it was hilarious, the hilarity did not sit with me. When did you grow up?? Prepubescent boys? Not even ready for that. Not even a little bit.

All in all, everyone is fine, trying to look at the funnier moments of being a mama, but trust me, sometimes the humor only hits me hours after. Too often I get caught up in the behaviour or the manners to see that they are just kids being kids, loud, emotional, hysterical and needy. I cant control their every movement, although I would like to, at some point you just have to embrace the seven and laugh with it. My kids are all still alive, I have not harmed, lost or maimed any of my children these holidays, so I'm happy. That is an achievement that I will run with :) Happy New Year to you all, friends and family, couldn't be happier with the people I am surrounded by. Forever grateful xx

Be like Bob

There is something comforting about the first few guitar chords of Redemption Song. It settles the anxiety, pulls the stress away. if you don't know the words, or the song, then you just don't know. 

I just finished reading a biography on the life of Bob Marley, I stole it off my sister for my flight home from Nz. It took me two weeks to read properly, instead of my usual smash out a book in one or two days. Biographies are different, too much information, not enough story, and I ended up being annoyed at the author for not putting enough of Bob's wise words in it. Fussy? For sure. I really just wanted to hear his voice to confirm all that I had read. I wanted my own personal interview, complete with guitar and serenade. 

What I did love, was his ability to see the bright side of life. Even when he was making no money from his music, battling cancer, growing up as a kid with an absent father or when his country was in the grips of political turmoil and corruption. He just stayed positive. Maybe it was all that weed. okay, yeah it was all the weed, lol, but as a man, and in his music, you can hear it and feel that his message was nothing but a positive one.
I'm tempted to rewrite the book quickly just so you know all the facts, but you know what, read it yourself :)

Combine the feelings of love and gratitude with reggae and Mr. Marleys' voice, and it works.
If Bob tells me "Don't worry, about a thing, coz everything little thing is gonna be alright."
I believe him.
Then I get on with my day.
First encounters with Bob Marley, were out of  Uncles Boyds Record collection, I was 12, and it was the single 'One Drop'.  It was on a 7 inch vinyl record, complete with the paper sleeve. My family did not grow up with Bob in the background. It was more Chicago, Eagles and Eric Clapton, and if Dad was getting really wild, Jimmy, Satriani and Thin Lizzy might make an appearance. So I literally had to wait til nobody was around to get my turn on the record player, which was located upstairs next to my parents room, thanks to the headphones for my personal Bob moment, because my Dad prob would've thrown it out the window. He would've said,"those dopeheads". The irony does not escape me considering his taste of music.
I soon brought a poster of Bob, I wish I still had it, but the parentals were not impressed with it so it got moved to the inside of my wardrobe door. I once corrected an Uncle who said Rastafari with a 'E" on the end. I told him "It's rastafari. you know like EYE." My dad heard me and gave me the Samoan dagger eyes, I went to my room and opened my wardrobe to be with Bob. Nobody understands you when you are 14 years old.

When hard times arise, and they do, it's easy to get caught up in the stress, stress is something that is not foreign to me, the last few months have been somewhat stressful, John is embarking on a new career, leaving the secure and faithful insurance job to do security work and eventually open up his own company. Having my lovely man home with me is stressful. Our truck decided to die a spectacular death the week before my trip to Nz, leaving John with all the kids, right on the holidays and having to find the thousands that its cost us to repair. Money and stress are the worst combinations. they leave you feeling edgy and almost in a state of despair. I am not usually a stressful person, if things don't get done, there is always tomorrow, but it seems my life motto needed to take a back seat, as things now need to be done today. Sitting around hoping for the best just doesn't cut it when there are kids depending on you to function. Function is a funny word, it could mean a fancy party with friends or colleagues, which would be nice, but now it means that the brain, and all it's intentions, has to meet the action. I always have the best intentions, but the action seems to get lost in day to day life. My resolve to work harder and be more active is almost enforced from the stressful times, it seems to push you into changing your situation. What other options are there? Push through and change something, or give up?
You can find a million Bob quotes online, most of them are beautiful and true in their own right. My fav is "You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only option you have".

Being responsible for seven little souls leaves me with no other option but to pull my head up.

To take a page out of the Book of Bob Marley, is to look at life from a different point of view. He was a rebel at heart, happy to go against the norm, always searching for a way to right wrongs, he told us to "Get Up, Stand Up", complacency was not an option, and so it should be for us, in all aspects of life, family, work, social or political, there is nothing wrong with standing by what you believe, even if it makes you different from the norm. I hope I can achieve what I want to achieve, grow some balls and get back into the workforce, lose some damn weight, DRIVE! My life is what I have made it, It's all mine, I embrace it in all it's chaos and crazy. Its not a bad life, we are comfortable, the kids have everything they need and we don't go without anything that we want. But for me, it's time to move forward and make my life different. The little things that I need to do will take more mental strength than physical. I am sooo weak. lol. but I'll get there.

So, my new motto: Be like Bob.
I'm going to be my own Hype man. Bob was, he fought for his own, made his music a success, worked hard, I can do that too, stick up for myself, fight for something different for me and my family. Funny because my only enemy is actually MYSELF. I know the saying 'You are your own worst enemy' and that is no more truer a statement, I am my own fault picker, self loather and critic. Protecting myself from myself? hmm anybody got any suggestions on how to do that?

Don't Worry, I'll just sing 'Three little Birds'  xx

I hope you step on a lego

My Mum told me about something she'd seen on Pinterest. It said "I hope you step on a Lego." It was like somebody had just summed up my day in seven words. Damn Lego.

If you were my enemy, I would let you step on Lego, I would watch and hope that it got you in the most tender part of your foot. I have yet to identify an enemy, but if you are out there, you had better watch out, I will lay the Lego out!
In saying that... my kids need to step on Lego, just once so they know how it feels. Do I class my children as the enemy? maybe! In the middle of the night, in a mad dash to the toilet, and every sharp toy or object is lying in my pathway to the bathroom, for sure, they are enemy number one, and sadly, my kids seem to be winning our imaginary war. Maybe I just give up too easily, It doesn't seem to matter how many times I've threatened to throw it away, or pull their ears if they don't look after their Lego, there is always just ONE piece left out. The sharpest piece.

Vacuming my lounge today, I sucked up close to 20 pieces of the twins beloved Lego, the tiniest pieces that my boys love to build with. Normally I would bend down and pick them up, put them back in the tin, but not today, today I was channeling my Father who always said to us, if its on the floor, its in the bin. I remember my dad forever throwing away toys or stationery that was lying around the house, if he should see a tennis ball in the lounge he would chuck it, then not tell us that he had done this while we would search for our tennis ball, sad guy knew he had thrown it out, but wouldn't even make a smirk or a sound.

So it goes, with every other thing my children own, pens, pencils, rubbers, lego, hair ties, hair clips, loom bands, earrings and bobby pins, they too now just get sucked up the vacum cleaner. I used to care, but now I don't, maybe it's age (it is definitely age) and I think my back is too lazy to bend down and pick up all this crap on the floor everyday.
Cue one hour later... my boys are asking where the missing bits of Lego is, I mumbled an admission of vacuming them up, only to be reprimanded by two 9 year olds "Mum they're my Star Wars Lego, you cant just vacum it up!" "naw mum why'd you do that for" "ohh that's the bit that connects the other bit" CARE!!
So I pulled the bagless vacuum cleaner out, sat it on the table outside and made them search through it for their Lego, they washed them, dried them, then said sorry for leaving them out. My boys don't do dirt, they do minecraft, comic books and Lego, always happy to play outside, but not in the dirt, not vacum cleaner dirt anyway!. I think digging around in dust for 15 minutes may have made them slightly more careful about where they put their stuff.
John had the nerve to say to me the other day that I was too soft on the kids. I could've hit him on the back of the head, but instead I just sulked. I am not soft, the percentage of my day that is spent instructing (yelling) guiding (growling) and nurturing (screaming) is probably close to 70%. Factor in that I have Seven kids, that is only 10% of my day allocated to 'instructing' each child, I think that's not so bad.

My brothers can tell you a story about a guitar that got smashed to pieces 20 years ago because we were fighting over it. Funny because neither of us actually knew how to play the guitar, and I was prob just being a bitch by fighting for it, (Sorry Lee) but obviously my loving Samoan father had had enough of our bickering and picked up the guitar and broke it right in front of us. I can still see it and see the shock on my brothers face, maybe I'm laughing now, but if John did something like that, I would be so mad at him. Did it teach us a lesson, hell yeah, don't fight in front of Dad and if we are going to fight then fight quietly! But would doing something like that to my kids teach them a lesson? I don't know, I threaten alot, and confiscate toys if they fight over them, but I don't really know what else to do to be harder. I try not to be like my dad and turn everything into a traumatic memory, but in turn, some days feel like the battles being won by a bunch of kids that know how to con their mum all day long, then kiss me and hug me and love me right before bed time. Biggest con of all is making me feel good before they sleep, probably just so that I'll get up and make their lunch the next day.

To be honest. If you know me, you know that I am the biggest push over. My kids know it too. I see reason before I see anger. I can see your point of view before I get angry at you, and that is why my kids get away with too much, they give me their reasons for everything, they know that I will listen and most likely agree with them. It doesn't mean that I don't have my 'you better bloody move' face, that usually only needs to be used in public or when we have visitors. they know that if i make that face, eyes wide and raise my eyebrows, oh and if a finger is being pointed, then you had better bloody move. I love stories of when you are trying to keep a child quiet, they're acting up, you pinch them then they say loudly "why'd you pinch me forrrrrr."
Once we were sitting at a table at Sizzlers, and Levi was leg distance away from me, he started playing the whinging game, so I kicked him under the table, he then turned to my dad, and said in the quietest voice "Papa, my mum just kicked me."

You could say my Dad didn't look too impressed.

Another battle lost...

I can't even describe the number of times I repeat myself. every day I wake up and say the same things. Get ready, have you eaten, get ready, get up, move it, make your lunch, put your jumper on, get ready, brush your teeth, pack your bag, shoes on, shoes ON, we're going, bye, love you, have a good day.....and that's just me talking to John.
Jokes.
I suppose you could turn it around, I also hear the same things every morning. Morning mum, Morning mum, Morning mum, Can I... Can I ... Can I....Can you ... Can you.. Can you.. I need... I need... I need..... or my favourite, "I can't find my...."  no no, this is my fav .."My teacher said that...." I love to be reminded of all my failures, especially via your teacher.

I guess it would be okay if it ended when they went off to school, but Fellyn is home with me, so it just continues all day long. She will yell my name like she's hurting while sitting on the toilet, then as soon I get to her, she's like, "It's alright, I got it."  Lately its been weird things like "Mum, my legs are soo hungry." or if I ask her to do something, she will say "but my leg doesn't want to, my leg is busy." ???? I don;t even know what to say to that.
Okay this is off track but I took Fellyn to the supermarket, we are buying meat and I said to her, "Do you like sausages." She said "Yep, do you like sausages mum." I said "yep" then she stood up in the trolley and and said with her hands out in the air, "you must be a sausage lover mum!"

Couldn't even be angry because I was too busy laughing.
The battle to maintain dignity in public. Lost to a three year old.

How can standing on a piece of Lego make you question your parenting skills? If I was harder on the kids, then the Lego would not have been there, and the gigantic dent in the sole of my foot wouldn't exist. But If I am harder on the kids, then 100 % of my day will become a huge battle. I don't know if my head/heart is up to being that person. I've always said, you pick your battles, especially with kids, and even more with teenagers. some things you have to let fly, because the other option will do more harm than good. It doesn't mean that there aren't already rules in place, if those are broken then my kids know whats up, but everyday brings something different, different problems, different solutions, and I'm trying to be flexible, but firm, but still try to listen to them, but maintain the discipline. One thing you can guarantee, is that I really don't know what I'm doing. I'm winging it big time, going on instinct, relying on John to be the bad guy, relying on my girls to give me my sanity back at the end of my week (raise my glass to them) and just taking it all as it comes.

I hope that one day, when you step on a piece of Lego you think of me and my lack of mean mummy antics, and you will know that that piece of Lego in your foot means you are a soft touch like me :)

15

 I always laugh when I think about my wedding, then I slowly start to cringe at some things, my dress, my hair, at the pregnant bump that I tried to hide behind my flowers, I hated that I didn't get to invite my friends, so many people got left out, mainly due to my two week preparation and the mad dash to get me married before the baby popped out. I wish that I had worn a proper wedding dress instead of my silver knee high dress (admission of guilt, I didn't want to wear white). As I walked down the aisle, I couldn't even concentrate, all I thought about was that everyone was thinking I was a whore whore whore hahahaha, didn't help that one of Johns friends slapped me on the ass as I walked down the aisle. whore. lol.
Don't worry I'm always the first to poke fun at myself, thinking back to when I was 19 and getting married, I'm in awe of my ambition, only to remember the horror that was my first few years of marriage. Talk about rude awakening! I've always loved John, first date, first kiss, first time holding hands. But no one cares about that when your up all night with a crying baby while your man is out clubbing with his work mates. I'm laughing as I type this, but I actually remember crying waiting all night for him to come home, stubborn as, I wouldn't go to sleep till he got home, so I endured the whole night, picturing all the bad things he's doing, only to find out that he didn't even go out and just slept on a friends couch. lol. I think newly wed brides should get regular mental health checks, because I know my head was not right! I suppose you buy into the fairytale of happily ever after, then your poor husband has to deal with his shattered partner because she has just realised she didn't marry prince charming.
Thankfully, we both figured out a way to love each other, to put up with each others bull shit, and not fight. key to a relationship, learning how to not to fight. lol.
It doesn't mean that John still doesn't piss me off. It just means that, he can piss me off today, but i'll still love him tomorrow. Forgive and forget, quickly!
I think most guys are under the impression that they are really funny. this doesn't seem to wear off with age either, but learning to take a joke was another hard lesson learnt. Now John calls me a slut and we both crack up laughing, times have changed thats for sure!

I started to write this because it'll be my 15th wedding anniversary soon. I was thinking the other day about my wedding, this is what I remember.
My fav part of the day was ditching the reception to get icecream on Surrey Cres in Grey Lynn with Rita and George.
The worst part of the day was turning up to our bed and breakfast only to realise it was a shared bathroom and we were surrounded by lots of gay couples hahaha!
Sitting by myself in my lounge watching x-men waiting for somebody to pick me up for the wedding, only to have my dad run in saying sorry he forgot about me! lol,
The part that made me cry. Elia playing the piano, Lilo singing. never forget it.
Jasmine as the flower girl, and Stacey living it up on the head table coz I didnt want to sit there, so she held the fort!
Nathan would have been five, everytime he would run past any male, they would hold their crutch in fear of Nathans notorious perfectly aimed punches, so funny now, but maybe not so funny for those that got hit!
I remember the cake was too hard to cut, and I remember thinking 'see it's a sign!' can't even cut the damn cake.
Dad playing only his music at the reception..Chicago and the Eagles and he even snuck in some thin lizzy? wth?
Watching Johns dad give his speech in Samoan, he was so nervous
Our second reception at the Hunts, where I finally got to eat and lie down and have a rest.


My Marriage, is not a perfect one. It never will be. I am not a perfect person, neither is my husband. I'd like to think that we have grown up a bit, but some would still beg to differ..(only the ones that know us well!)
Funnily enough, I am grateful for everything that I have been through, not that iv'e had a hard life, but when you have a baby young, sometimes people make you feel like your 'bad'. Well i'm not bad, i'm not a bad person and I wasn't a bad person when I was 19. The things that brought the most strife and heartache to me was never my husband, it was always being judged. Judged by people that I grew up with, judged by those who barely even knew my name. A lot of friends quickly dissapeared once I had Kalara, (no grudges) and I can say that since then, my greatest friends have appeared.
I feel like, the second that you judge somebody, you yourself will one day be judged in return. I was told by a church member that I never should have gotten married and that I should have given Kalara away at birth. This hurt me to no end to think that someone, who didn't even know me, thought that I wasn't fit to be a mother, esp after tryng so hard to BE a MOTHER. Maybe I have over compensated for this feeling by having 6 more children, but 15 years ago when I was faced with these words, I could have easily crumbled. I felt like it, many times, give up, give on the marriage, run away, these are things that became options because somebody planted that doubt in my head. Should my daughter, or any teenager I know, face a pregnancy, I hope that the adults that surround them have enough sense to support them instead of laying judgement.

Anyway, on a lighter note (forgive the rant) I appreciate that we have had a circle of people around us that have supported us and loved us, and my crew. Without those friends and family, I would be one hundred times more mental than I already am. Thank you, you know who you are

So I suppose I should give a shout out to my hubby, since it is our wedding anniversary, for always supporting me, loving me and putting up with the grouch. You know you've been married for too long when you no longer care about your appearance, when your husband looks at you when you get in the car and says, wanna brush your hair? I say, wanna dress the kids, feed the kids, pack the car and clean before we go?? haha,  If you know my man, you know that he is a good man. He knows his role (jabroni) and always tries his best to be a great Dad to our kids. the thing that I love the most though, is that over the last 15 years, I have kicked him out several times, let him back in, swore at him, and I may have hurt his thumb once lol, I've sulked and moaned and complained, but regardless, he still loves me.

If, by some small chance, I should tell John how wonderful he is, you can guarantee he will say "don't tell me, tell your friends." So consider them told hun. xx Happy Anniversay to US.

Smiley Riley.

Still trying to get through all my kids, Riley is number five in amongst my seven. If you know her, then you know that she is almost certifiably crazy.

18th of March 2006, to be honest with you, her birthing story is a bit ridiculous, my midwife and I had set out a lovely birthing plan, which included minimal drugs, maybe some water and a nice relaxing entrance into the world for my Lil girl. After having the twins I was ready to deliver this baby and literally walk out and go home.
One week before my due date, when Waitakere Hospital declared that my bmi was too high and that I couldn't deliver there, we made plans to have my nice natural birth at North Shore hospital..
The day I went into labour, both Waitakere and North shore hospitals failed me. I rang my midwife to tell her we were on the way to the hospital, she was happy with that and said she would meet us at North Shore hospital. 5 minutes later, we are pulling into the carpark and she rings me to tell me that the delivery suite aren't accepting anymore patients. we sit in the carpark, and I am so confused, is the hospital shut down? why aren't they taking patients? where do I go now? lets not mention the pain  I was in. My midwife rings Waitakere to see if we can go there, that's a no go, so we are sitting in the car park, and my midwife is having a meltdown, swearing and yelling at her bosses, the only other option we had was either to go home and deliver, or to drive to Auckland hospital.
From North shore hospital to Auckland hospital at 4pm on a Friday afternoon, the traffic was not kind to us, I was upset and pissed off and in pain all at the same time.
We were changing health boards, so since Waitemata health board weren't helping me out, we had to go under the Auckland city health board, this meant that my midwife, who is a Waitemata midwife, couldn't do anything for me during my labor, and was only allowed into the room as a support person. My birthing plan was completely out the window, all the stress of getting into a hospital caused my body to shut down once we had arrived at Auckland hospital. My contractions stopped for about an hour, then they started again ... contractions usually come and then they go, you get a slight break before the pain starts again, but for me, the contractions wouldn't actually stop, so I had to have an epidural, just to stop the pain, and as soon as it took effect, Riley was born, my body got to relax a bit and voila. a baby. (I spared you all the real gory details).

We all call Riley, Johns baby. When she is being naughty, it's Johns fault, he raised her! When she was 3 months old I went to work and John stayed home with the kids, you could call it role reversal, but really, all my roles were still in play, when I got home from work.
Riley is our fairest kid, she has blonde in her hair and def my meat on her bones. lol. people always say that she is the most like me, but I tell you, she is the most like her dad. smart ass, always hungry, always joking around. She is for sure a little bit bi polar. mood swings for days, and she hasn't even hit the tweens yet. I am so scared of what she will be like as a teenager, not for me, but for anybody that crosses her, she is feisty and not afraid to show it.
The happy side of Riley, is one that makes me laugh everyday. She sings with her headphones on, loud and proud. she dances, but only when her older sisters aren't around. I catch her trying to write lyrics down on paper then making up her own songs. She gets so excited when she feels like she has made up the next greatest pop song ever. then she sings it to me. oh man she needs lessons in rhyming and rhythm. Riley is only 7, but she fits a size 10 and acts like she is 16. She will always be a great source of humor in our house, and is destined to be a pain in the butt for her brothers, but I say good, they need  to learn to love her a bit more, even if she embarrasses them at school...every day!

She loves her Aunty Annie like no ones business, farts on her, giggles and laughs with her, writes on her, climbs and lies all over her (and she's not light!) Riley begs to go to her Aunty Annies house every weekend. you would think it was to play with her cousins, but I know she just loves annoying Ann. You can't help but love Riley, she is just too comfortable in her own skin, which lets her be a little bit more out there and ready to try anything. She manages to con most of her Aunty and Uncles into giving her what she wants, she used to follow her Aunty Ali around asking her the same questions over and over again, but there is nothing you can do but laugh, she's smiling while asking and you can't get mad at that!
Her teacher says she struggles to follow instructions at school, usually talking to her friends too much to even hear the instruction, but once she is listening and on task he says her work is always different to her class mates. she thinks outside the box, he tells me that she is one of his brightest students, because she always goes for the odd and strange, always explaining things longer than needed, doing things the hard way to prove a point and would rather be doing something different to the group, just because that's what excites her and gets her learning more. I said to her teacher, isnt that annoying? having a student that doesn't like the normal and who get bored easy. he says to me, no, that's a sign of pure genius. I laughed. But I see now, the way she does things are always going to be the hard way around, she always sees her arguments out to the end, till she's won, till she has defeated her opponent. be it her 2 year old sister or the 14 year old one. She will always fight to have her opinion heard, or her needs met (food being the main need) but I have to say, when I watch her write, she is immersed in it, head almost touching the paper and pen furiously writing, I've kept some of her stories, when she is older, I will read them out at her 21st, they sound like a female version of that stupid Adventure Time cartoon, with fat fairies and witches with pink hair.

I can't describe the love you have for your kids, till you have kids of your own, then you just know. I might have a few more children than most, and they are all different, so you love each one differently. Fellyn is my hard one to love. I love her, but it can be hard to show that love when she literally hugs my legs all day long and cries when I leave the room (what is this called? separation anxiety, I think she needs a therapist. I think I need a therapist to recover from Fellyn) Anyway! Riley is the easiest to love, she hugs you and sloppy kisses you. I find myself giving her a quick kiss goodnight, in the hope that she might go to bed quickly, and so that I don't have to wear her saliva on my face, but no, she has mastered the art of injuring you AND loving you, all at the same time and usually when you least expect it. I hope like heck that she will never change.

nice riley

the real riley

Double the trouble, twice the love

My boys turn 9 today.

27th September 2004 they were born, 7 weeks early. Levi weighed around 1040 grams and Jackson was 1440grams. Basically around 1kg and 1.5kgs. they were so small, luckily they didn't need any assistance breathing and just had a little oxygen for a couple of days. Being born so early, they didnt have their sucking reflex yet, so they were fed through a nasal tube that went into their stomach. so on sight after birth, seeing so many tubes as well as their heart rates/breathing rates and oxygen levels being monitored, it was a little overwhelming watching them in their incubators. not to mention not being allowed to hold them, barely touching them, with a nurse watching your every movement, is very frustrating. My family were so annoyed they could only stand at the doorway and look in, but better they kept their germs out of there.. It was a long and drawn out ordeal for me, we found out that one twin was growing at a faster rate than the other, I remember crying when the doctor told me that this could lead to one twin dying. the thought of losing one over the other was very upsetting to me, even more so now if I was to think which boy we wouldn't have.
Thank goodness we didn't have the twin to twin transfusion that can lead to one twin dying, but the membrane that separated them in the womb was very thin. So in other words, Jasckson was a hog and Levi missed out. So we monitored their growth and at about 26 weeks I was admitted to hospital to keep an eye on them daily and because my kidneys kept flaring up causing me pain. So we stayed there for 6 weeks, I read almost every magazine on my floor, talked to the orderlies, I knew the menu back to front and waited everyday for hubby to come visit me after work. I missed my two girls and stressed at my mum having to watch them. finally, and I mean FINALLY they set a date for a cesarean. Levi (twin one we used to call him) had stopped growing and became clear that he would grow better on the outside, rather than in my belly. They gave me shots of steroids to help strengthen the twins lungs before the operation and assured me that everything would be okay.
The day before the cesaer I was in panic attack mode, just the anticipation and being in hospital for so long, the day had come and I actually couldn't deal with it, I was scared they would be too small and not survive, I also had read too much (a reoccurring fault of mine) about premature babies and the problems they can have, both short and long term. Good thing I was in hospital, lots of drugs around to help me calm my nerves!
So the day arrives, John is here nice and early and I am being prepped for the cesarean, they put a epidural into my back and put onto the operation table, I was told to put both my arms out, to the side, then these board things pop out and I realise I'm looking like I'm on a crucifix. While I'm already feeling nervous and a little uncertain, the bloody bed tilts to the left. John is sitting next to me, holding my hand, trying to reassure me, but he could probably see the fear in my eyes. I've told this story to many, esp the part where all the doctors walk in and they are wearing these big white butcher boots. John looks as confused as I am, but when the started to cut me open, there was a splash on the floor and poor John who is wearing his nice timberlands, looks at me and says "my shoes!" So now you know, wear ya gumboots. lol

We had two teams in theatre, one for each twin, they were whisked away promptly and John went with them upstairs to the NICU and I was left to my own devices with the doctors in butcher boots.

Each boy had their own set of problems, sleep apnoea (when they forget to breathe) this would make the alarms go off and wasn't very good for my nerves as I would be in a panic and the nurse would just sit there and wait for them to breathe again. At 4 weeks old Jackson was diagnosed with a hole in the heart, a very big one that would need an operation, they gave him another 2 weeks to see if it would close up by itself, and thankfully it did. Although the doctors were amazed that it did considering the size of the hole. I say that's the power of prayer.
We were transferred from Greenlane, to Waitakere Hospital then when the boys took a little turn for the worse, we were transferred again to North Shore Hospital. At one point I had Levi at North Shore Hospital and Jackson at Waitakere Hospital, and me with my expressed breast milk running around trying to feed my babies. It was a ridiculous time, but it was needed, when I finally got to take them home, they were feeding and breathing and beautiful. Many thanks go to all the people that lended a hand during those 3 months of hospitals, doctors and ambulances. On the night that it was decided that Levi needed to be transferred to North Shore, the nurse said to me do you know anybody who can come and give him a blessing. So John rings our friend, Elia, who rushes up and while the ambulance is waiting for us to load him in, they give him a blessing in his incubator, and then he is whisked off  leaving me behind in a state, but grateful for friends that calmed my mind for that night. So many people who brought me food, or kept me company for a few hours. I will never forget it.
We were so excited to bring them home, Lara and Deon had been waiting for 6 weeks, and were prob dissapointed because I wouldnt let anyone hold them in case they sneezed. I didnt want to go back into the hospital! I'll tell you, it's much easier in hospital when they are on a schedule and closely monitored, than at home trying breastfeed two. I soon realised that that just wasn't going to happen. We settled into a good routine of bottles,burping and nappies. (Aunty Jas was the best nappy changer!) They were good babies, funny how under more stressful circumstances you step up and become more organised.

Anyways, hospitals soon became a regular spot for us, both the boys would go down with bronchitis and we spent many an night in hospital, their first birthday we had the party then we drove straight to the hospital with Levi, every time I would plan to go somewhere, I'd end up in hospital. Middle of the night I would leave John with girls, come home after 2 or three days, then go back in with the other twin. They liked to keep us on our toes! Thankfully as they have gotten older the asthma has gotten better, only needing an inhaler if they get a cold.

If I was describe them now, they are naughty, but quietly naughty, they love to read, but then I catch them trying to reenact pranks from the book they've read onto their siblings.. or me. They love drawing, but only cartoons, like their dad. They are indeed so different, Levi is sensitive to everyone around him, at school and at home. He knows when his papa is grumpy he will go and give him a hug when the rest of us go and hide. lol. Levi almost has a sixth sense to how I'm feeling, he always does the job before told If (and only IF) he knows I'm in a mood, he rubs my back and tells me he loves me. Jackson is little more robust, he has a cheeky and sneaky side to him, and he has a right temper too.. just like papa schwencke. I caught him calling someone a homo once..me and john just looked at each other and were like.. that's papa! (don't worry he got an earful) Jackson is long sighted and wears glasses, but that doesn't seem to stop him, his creative side is very detailed and precise. No room for error and definitely no room for mess.

I can't even imagine life without these two, they both bring so many headaches, but so much joy. I have often wondered which child I would have had there been just one baby, and not one single once of me could pick between. I am truly blessed, with all my children, I'm blessed that they are all healthy, talented and great kids. I might not be saying this when they are all teenagers, but for now, I'll let them be blessings!

Lies

Number Two is off to camp tomorrow, I am extremely nervous and don't want her go. LIE. I'm hanging out for that 8:15am bus to pull up and take her away. 

Number One keeps telling me she is doing her homework on her new laptop. LIE. The amount of homework seems to have quadrupled since the laptop was made available. p.s I know how fast you can close Internet Explorer, esp when your mother is walking towards you.

When my kids blame something on their little sister. 

Question: "Who drew on the wall?"  

Answer: "Fellyn did it"

Take a glance at the height of these lovely drawings, and measure them against the two year old, she cant even reach that high. Line up all the kids so I can figure it out based on their height and arm reach. bingo. you can now scrub the wall and all the other walls in the house. Lies will only get you into more trouble, and that's the truth.

Another myth about motherhood (sorry if you are male and about to read this) Breastfeeding. I know that breastfeeding is good for my kids, I have fed them all at some stage and for various amounts of time. 

I have gone from 6 weeks of using a breast pump for the twins whilst in hospital, I quit after one day at home with them, sanity soon became a major priority. big props to twin mums that breastfeed. 

To feeding an almost THREE year old toilet trained toddler who can speak very well, telling me in public that she is now ready for boo boo. and loudly too. And yes she has lifted my top up in public in search of her boob, and she has looked at me with hungry eyes, saying, 'hey mum, i like your boo boo'. lordy, Fellyn is finally weaned and she still spends a good amount of time stuffing her hand down my top just for comforts sake. You lovely plunket ladies are LIARS. You didn't tell me about the time consumption, sore nipples, no hay fever medication or alcohol. I LIE, breastfeeding is the most wonderful bond you can have with your newborn, just not with a two year old, that will drive you nuts.

Breastfeeding helps you loose weight. 

Don't even get me started.

People say to me, your twins are sooo adorable, such well behaved little boys. Ohmygosh. Big Fat LIE. Between the two of my boys, they own 2 pairs of ears, all four ears seem to be failing the criteria for listening skills. ie. I am looking straight at you, you are staring straight at me, I am giving you ONE instruction, you walk away, do a full circle around the lounge, scratch your head, and sit down, happy with what you just accomplished. 

Lies lies lies. 

"There is no such thing as middle child syndrome" I think this may be a lie that I told myself, so that Riley (my number 5) wouldn't be labelled as a middle child. Riley is 7, only 18 months younger than the twins, but is now displaying disturbing signs of middle child syndrome. I don't even know if this is an actual medical term, but she suffers from 'poor me'.. usually at bed time when i'm over talking to children and always when the other kids might have, at some point during the day eaten something she has missed out on. Bi polar just might be another characteristic of middle child syndrome, not to belittle the condition in anyway, I'm just describing my daughter, she can literally laugh hysterically for long periods of time, then hit the floor with a frown on her face. I call it the darkness, dark clouds set in over her little chubby face, the eyes go dark and she starts looking at everyone sideways. Not to worry though, she will be dancing to Beyonce in 3, 2, 1 ... 

When your 5 year old tells her teacher that her mum is 40. Geez Taylor.

She told me that she only said it because her friends mum is 40. Taylor reckons we look the same, so I must be 40. Yes, you know that LIE that says that kids will keep you feeling YOUNG, LIE LIE LIE

The biggest LIE of all, is the saying that Kids get easier with age. That is not my experience at all, the older my kids get, the more they talk. Talking means more asking, moaning, fighting and crying. Whoever you are, you LIED. Little kids are easy, food, fun and sleep is all they need. Big kids need whatever the neighbours have and everything that we don't already own. 

I'm so sorry kids, you can all have an iphone 5 for Christmas. 

LIE.

A few more things that I have learnt recently.

Soggy Cornflakes do not come out of kids hair in time for their bus.

Being my Husband does not mean that you are a Food Critic. When Wifey cooks, you are allowed to Lie all you want. LOL. words cut deep. hahhahaha.

Walking around the Lake does not mean that you can have Chocolate for lunch. Lying to yourself Leilani.

Walking around the Lake with all the other mothers that don't even need to loose weight will only make you feel shitty. and you will come home shitty. and then you will have chocolate for lunch which will make you even more shitty. Lesson: Go walking when its dark or in the countryside. hahaha. 

There is nothing wrong with having size Eleven Feet, even  if the the lady serving has a look of horror on her face when you ask for help. I am Samoan. forgoodnesssake. 

Gripe sesh over, I feel so much better now. MONDAY MONDAY bring it on. xxxxxx